I felt like destroying something beautiful
A fleeting glimpse inside my maniacal mind
—David Levithan, Every Day (via ruffclub)
—Fernando Pessoa (via bad-hellcat)
So my boyfriend got in a big fight today. We spent last weekend apart. I was at a family event, and as far as I knew, he had no plans. Anyway, I found out that he had a BBQ that day with a few of his guy friends. No big deal, right? Just kinda weird that he didn’t mention it to me. They had a few beers and hit a bong… pretty tame party, just kinda strange, because according to my boyfriend, he quit smoking weed. Now, I am in NO WAY against smoking weed. Almost all of my friends do it, I think it has benefits, and can in many cases be more safe and healthy than alcohol, which I do indulge in. I’m pro-legalization. I just do not personally enjoy it. Smoking hurts my lungs and I don’t really enjoy the high - half of the time it just makes me fall asleep. He was a BIG stoner when we met and I made it clear to him that I didn’t mind this. He had his life together. He deserved to indulge in something he enjoyed… I just wouldn’t be doing it with him, simply because I do not like it. To me, it was the same as ordering a greek salad and letting him eat all the olives. I just don’t want any - more for him, right? He continued smoking for awhile when we were dating, occasionally with me there, more often with me not… and then he told me that he was quitting. I asked him why. Apparently, he never particularly enjoyed it either. He started doing it because everyone else did it, then it became a habit. But, now he would stand up to peer pressure and never smoke again! “Hurrah! Look at us Meagan, we’re so alike!” It literally made NO DIFFERENCE IN MY LIFE WHATSOEVER, but he seemed happy, so I was happy for him. Anyway, back to the story. He admitted to having a bbq. So I ask him about what they did - he told me they had a few beers, but didn’t mention the weed… which I mean is weird because I thought that would be a big thing, since he’s always bragging to me about how long its been since he’s done it. So I asked him, “did you guys smoke?” “No,” he said. “Oh really? I’m surprised,” (the friends he was with smoke a lot) “Okay, fine” he admits “They smoked a bit, but I didn’t do anything” See, now I knew he wasn’t just avoiding something, but flat out lying to me, so I tell him straight up that I think he’s lying to me and he denies it. So I tell him that he has one last chance to tell the truth and he comes clean and apologizes. Its just ridiculous because he has no reason to be sorry for smoking weed. I’ve told him a million times I have no problem with it. But why would he lie about it? Vehemently deny it to me? Now its got me thinking - what the fuck else does he hide from me? He wouldn’t have admitted this if I hadn’t already known the truth. Are there worse things he does, but doesn’t tell me about? I had complete trust in him until a few weeks ago, when a different incident happened. A very personal thing happened to me. I was very upset by it, and only felt comfortable talking about it with my boyfriend and my parents. I did not even tell my best friends. I find out later that he told his friend Cassie (who I also happen to mildly dislike for other reasons) about everything that happened (and I’ll make it clear that my issue did NOT involve him or our relationship - it was an entirely personal one). I forgave him for that because it came up in conversation and he didn’t know it was a secret - I mean, it wasn’t even really a secret, just a personal matter that I would prefer to keep to myself. I felt exposed, but not betrayed. I chalked it down to him not knowing my boundaries, and thought it was fixed by making those clear to him. But now, I’ve found another reason why I can’t trust him. Is it just trust issues on my behalf? Granted, I probably have them… but I feel like I don’t even know who he is, you know? When I met him he was a jock type, soft rock listening, meat eating stoner. And he was goofy and sweet and kind-hearted and I was falling for him. But then he became a trekkie metalhead vegetarian who no longer enjoys smoking weed. And it was awesome, having a boyfriend I had so much in common with, but it wasnt necessary and I’m really seeing now that it was all a facade. He kept saying that he just “was never exposed to my tastes” or that “I gave him a push to do something he’s always wanted to do”, but I don’t think that was the case. He always tries to be “the perfect boyfriend” for me, but he doesn’t understand what that is. I don’t want him to mimic me. I want him to be his own person. I want him to be assertive and honest and comfortable with who he is. I don’t know why its so hard for him to understand that? This man has a heart of pure gold. No one has EVER treated me as well as he has and I don’t think anyone ever will. I have complete faith that he would never do anything to intentionally hurt me - but thats the only thing I can trust about him, at this point. I don’t think he’ll ever be able to be real with me. What should I do?
Asked by Anonymous Anonymous
K now I’m jealous! I’ve always wanted to do a Sailor Moon group cosplay. And I was actually thinking of going a Misty cosplay this year as well, but didn’t because I was only going for the two days. Is Bubblegum Chainsaw related to Lollipop Chainsaw? I’ve never heard of it
Asked by Anonymous Anonymous
I’ll be there Saturday and Sunday! What are you going to be cosplaying? That sounds like a lot of fun, I’ve always wanted to do a group cosplay!